What is reconciliation?

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Updated - February 9, 2025

Reconciliation stands for the restoration of a damaged or destroyed relationship, both between people and between God and man.
Reconciliation can only happen when enmity, separation or conflict are overcome and a new, peaceful relationship is created.
In the Christian sense, reconciliation primarily refers to the restoration of the relationship between God and people through Jesus Christ. Reconciliation is a central theme in the Christian faith and should also be a central theme in human interaction.

The fall from grace

The relationship between God and man was destroyed by sin. Since the fall of man (see Genesis 3) there is separation between God and man. This separation manifests itself in guilt (Isaiah 59:2 "Your iniquities separate you from your God, and your sins hide his face from you, so that he does not hear."), fear, suffering and ultimately death (Romans 6:23 „For the wages of sin is death; …“).

Sin has created a barrier between God and man that man cannot overcome. Reconciliation is therefore fundamentally necessary. The central message of the Gospel is that God has brought about reconciliation himself, namely through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.

The intermediary

Paul writes in his letter to the Romans 5:10: "For if we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son when we were still enemies, how much more will we be saved through his life as the reconciled!", as well as to the Colossians 1:19-20 "For it pleased God that in him (Christ) all fullness should dwell, and that through him he should reconcile all things to himself, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through his blood on the cross.".

Through his death on the cross, Jesus took the guilt of mankind upon himself and thereby opened the way to reconciliation with God. Jesus' death is the turning point at which the enmity between man and God is overcome. In contrast to us humans, who always like to demand something in return when we do something for someone, God does not demand anything in return, but offers man reconciliation purely out of love and undeserved grace. This also confirms John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Paul summarizes the conclusion in Romans 5:1 together: "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Reconciliation from person to person

Well, all this is comforting to know, but what do we do about reconciliation between people? After all, we are not God and have neither this infinite, all-forgiving love within us, nor - perhaps - the will to reconcile? And anyway: let him/her come to me ...!

Matthew was also familiar with such mischief and consequently wrote in Matthew 5:23-24 "Therefore, when you bring your gift to the altar and remember there that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar and go first and be reconciled with your brother."

Wow, strong stuff! So I must first forgive man before I can enter into fellowship with God! Paul emphasizes in his letter to the Ephesians 4:32 "But be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you."

Grumble - ..., well, not easy, I know and can only confirm it from my own experience. What's actually so difficult about it?

First and foremost, it seems to me, you stand in your own way with your pride, shame, hurt, lack of trust in God and also a more or less lack of humility towards God.

Here we are helped by the reminder that God first gave us forgiveness through Jesus and that we can call on His help, trusting in His word, such as Matthew 6:14 God quotes: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.", not without admonishing in the following verse 15 "But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.„

Whether you interpret verse 15 as God's raised index finger or as a well-meaning admonition and encouragement to act in a way that is pleasing to God is up to you. Personally, I find the latter interpretation more accessible, even if the former also has its justification.

Excursus - The difficult relationship

Son and father had had a difficult relationship for years. As a teenager, he often felt that his father was too strict and had too high expectations of him. After a heated argument at the age of 18, in which harsh words were used, he left his parents' house and swore never to return. He was one hundred percent convinced that his father had never really understood him.

The years passed and he built his own life. But despite his professional success and a house of his own, an emptiness remained within him. Whenever he thought of his father, he felt anger, but also a deep longing for peace. He suppressed these thoughts and convinced himself that it was too late for a reconciliation.

One day, he received a call from his mother: his father was seriously ill and didn't have much time left. He was torn. Should he visit him? Wasn't it too late? What if the old resentment flared up again?

In this inner turmoil, he remembered a Bible verse from Ephesians that he had often heard in the past. Ephesians 4:31-32 gives the solution to the problem situation: "Let all bitterness and anger and wrath and clamor and blasphemy be put away from you, along with all malice. But be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.„

These words struck him to the heart. He realized that reconciliation does not mean undoing the past, but being willing to take the first step and allow healing to take place.

He went to his parents' house, and when he saw his father again after all these years, he was weak, but his eyes were filled with tears. Neither of them knew what to say at first. Finally, his father whispered: "I'm sorry. I never wanted you to feel unloved."

At that moment, all the hardness fell away from him. He realized that his father had also suffered and that their pride had kept them apart for so long. He replied quietly: "I always wanted to tell you too. I'm sorry."

He spent a lot of time with his father over the last few weeks. They talked about things they had never talked about before, and he realized that his father had always loved him, just in a different way than he would have liked.

When his father finally passed away, he no longer felt hate or regret, but peace. Reconciliation had lifted a burden that he had carried around with him for years.

Conclusion

Reconciliation does not mean forgetting the past, but being prepared to let peace prevail over pain.